


Back and Forth

by orangelemon (etoilephilante)



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Confessions, Fluff, I think?, Love Confessions, M/M, That's it, idk it suddenly became a lil serious at some point, jealous jongho, jongho pines a lot, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27513499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilephilante/pseuds/orangelemon
Summary: He thinks about the glitters that shine inside Hongjoong’s eyes whenever summer ends and morphs into fall, brings with it red, yellow, and brown hues, though, and it never fails to make him forget everything he dislikes about the season.(Jongho is in love with Hongjoong, but he keeps running away.)
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kim Hongjoong
Comments: 14
Kudos: 37





	Back and Forth

**Author's Note:**

> hi earlier i was whining to ako abt jongjoong and the drought in this tag and then got my shit together and wrote this
> 
> idk what it is, kinda just rolled with it. something soft i guess. just enjoy, i quite like it eheh

Jongho isn’t the jealous type. He is not.

That’s what he tells himself when he looks at Hongjoong from the other end of the coffee shop, watching him smile at a random guy that he does not know. But it bothers him – that he doesn’t know the guy, who he is, and _why Hongjoong is smiling at him like so_.

The coffee shop is crowded. It oozes with the sweet autumnal ambiance that never fails to make him roll his eyes. He thinks about the glitters that shine inside Hongjoong’s eyes whenever summer ends and morphs into fall, brings with it red, yellow, and brown hues, though, and it never fails to make him forget everything he dislikes about the season.

The thing is, he’s incredibly in love with Hongjoong, ever since that one time Wooyoung had decided to introduce his artsy friends to his sporty friends. Jongho is one of the sporty friends.

Actually, Hongjoong is easy to love. Wooyoung had laughed in his face when he admitted it to him, but he won’t budge, not even after his best friend’s teasing. Hongjoong, the pretty music student who’s never on the same side of their campus as he, makes Jongho’s heart beat faster than anyone has done. Whenever he grins and shrugs, replies ‘ _I think it’s nice, though, it’s a pretty season,’_ as Jongho whines about fall and all the leaves scattered all over the streets; whenever he goes to the sports department of their college, waits for him with a steaming hot cup of coffee, his nose pink, and asks how his day has been.

And when Jongho asks why he is here, it’s always ‘ _Special_ _warm drink delivery_ _for a grumpy cold-hater_.’

So, no, he’s not jealous. Jealousy is not for him, _thank you very much_. It’s just that he just finished his classes, he’s cold, and there was no Hongjoong waiting for him at the entrance of his building, only rain. But there was a Hongjoong at the campus’ coffee shop where he has decided to find refuge while the rain simmers down, smiling at a guy who isn’t him.

He angrily sips at the cup of coffee and burns his tongue. So Jongho is busy coughing and making a fool of himself, willing the pained tears at the corner of his eyes not to spill, while he rummages through his bag for a bottle of water, when someone approaches his table. Jongho startles as he looks up to see Hongjoong sitting in front of him, and then frowns.

‘Hongjoong? What are you doing?’

The latter smiles, resting his chin on his palm and raises an eyebrow at him. His large sleeve slightly falls and reveals his smooth skin, a bit of a colorful tattoo that he knows continues under his sweater, and the delicateness of his thin wrist. Jongho thinks about how it feels to wrap his fingers around it. He thinks that he wants to hold his hands. ‘Drinking coffee with you, since I couldn’t join you at the end of your lectures.’

Jongho glances behind Hongjoong, at the table he was previously sitting, and sees no trace of the other guy. ‘Yeah, you were with this dude,’ he can’t help but remark bitterly, and immediately knows the pout that briefly appears on his lips is childish and unfair, bringing a flush to his ears.

Hongjoong laughs silently, and his grin looks knowing – it makes Jongho want to run away because he knows he’s not doing a very good job at hiding his crush. ‘Are you jealous?’

Jongho’s eyes widen, and his blush worsens. ‘What are you saying…’ His tone is halfhearted, but it’s his desire not to entirely lose face that makes him deny it. Hongjoong, of course, hums knowingly but doesn’t insist – he always does that; Jongho kind of hates knowing that Hongjoong somehow knows but won’t do anything, will simply wait for him to stop running away.

‘I’m in a group project with him, he’s nice,’ Hongjoong explains further, ‘but he kind of looks like a fish, don’t you think so?’

This mean remark and justification shouldn’t make Jongho feel pleased, but it still does. He looks disapprovingly at Hongjoong for good measure but can’t hold back the small snicker that spills past his lips.

‘You shouldn’t be mean,’ he says, rolling his eyes, and hides his smile behind his cup.

‘I’m the mean kind, that’s who I am,’ Hongjoong winks at him and laughs wholeheartedly when Jongho chokes on his drink.

They don’t stay long. Once Jongho is done with his coffee, he scrunches the carton cup into a ball and throws it to the trashbin near their table and smirks, satisfied, when Hongjoong whistles – Jongho admits he likes to show off, he wants to do his best to impress Hongjoong, even with the dumbest things.

They usually walk back to their dorm together, so they go on about their routine until they arrive at Hongjoong’s building entrance. On most days, that’s where they part ways, smile at each other, and Jongho walks to his own dorm building; tonight, however, Jongho is reluctant to leave. Because the thought of Hongjoong smiling to another guy still bothers him, because he’s tired of the way he can’t find the guts to move their relationship forward because he knows he’s not the only one who’s noticed this game of pull and push they’re doing. Because Hongjoong always looks at him like he’s waiting for something, but keeps waiting, while Jongho can’t manage to voice all the tingly feelings raging inside himself.

Visibly, thankfully, Hongjoong seems just as reluctant as he is to go up and lights a cigarette, like he always does to procrastinate going home.

They’re quiet for a few seconds, Jongho leaning onto the wall while he watches Hongjoong take a long drag of his cigarette. He shivers, puts his hands in his padded jacket’s pockets, but doesn’t make a move to leave.

‘You look tired,’ he says at some point, after scrutinizing the dark circles under Hongjoong’s pretty almond-shaped eyes. The latter hums, joins him against the wall, and bumps their shoulder.

‘Worried?’

This time Jongho chooses not to run away, doesn’t hide behind denial and a snort. ‘Yeah, you work too much, never sleep enough,’ he answers instead, and they lock eyes.

Hongjoong looks surprised, probably used to the way Jongho never rightfully answers to his attempts at making him admit every way he pays a little too much attention to him, and then a tight-lipped smile lifts the corner of his mouth.

Hongjoong looks incredibly soft in the dark grayish end of the day, the sunset hidden behind thick clouds. And Jongho wants to kiss him, he often does, but he really wants to now. But despite the way his eyes briefly flicker to Hongjoong’s pink mouth, he doesn’t do a thing and merely diverts his gaze to look right before him. He hears Hongjoong sighs next to him, huffing smoke.

‘You always do this,’ the older boy mutters, and he sounds oddly peeved.

‘What?’

‘You always take two steps forward, and every time I try to meet you halfway, you turn around, and then I can’t reach you anymore.’

Jongho stares, astonished, at Hongjoong, who takes one last drag and pushes himself off the wall to crush his cigarette butt into an ashtray. Jongho can’t seem to find the words to give a reply to Hongjoong, who wraps his arms around himself and looks even smaller than he already is, and faces him.

‘I don’t know what you’re scared of, but don’t you think it’s time to be at least a little honest, now?’ Hongjoong’s tone is just as tender as he usually is, despite how biting the question is. Jongho opens his mouth and then closes it and repeats this a few times like a fish before lowering his eyes and choosing to stay quiet.

In front of him, Hongjoong heaves another sigh. ‘It’s really frustrating to know you have something to say but always choose silence. Anyway, good night, Jongho, we’ll see each other tomorrow, I guess.’

And Jongho, a little slow, can only watch Hongjoong finally walk to the building door and open it, and going inside with a last hopeful glance to him. It’s only when the door is about to close behind him that Jongho wakes up from his daze, adrenaline spiking up in his guts when his heart plummets to his stomach at the sad glint inside Hongjoong’s pupils, and he rushes to hold it open, sneaking into the building.

The older boy looks up, surprised when Jongho catches his hand and pulls him back. Jongho’s heart pumps hard in his chest, and his blood buzzes under his skin.

‘I admit it, okay? I… I don’t really know what to do with myself, like ever?’ Jongho starts and winces when he sounds incredibly awkward and lacks confidence. ‘You’re a little like a dream still, to me, probably too idealized in my head, and something I think is unattainable. I like you, but I’m not really used to this. I do try to step towards you, and I do run away when you come to meet me halfway, but I think I’m scared of heights, and you’re a little too high for me, yet.’

In front of him, Hongjoong is wordlessly blinking at him, seemingly rendered speechless. ‘Okay, let’s stop metaphors. We’re not in a teen movie,’ is what he finally answers, and the heavy tension around them shatters – the hand that has been squeezing Jongho’s heart let the grip go. ‘Seriously, Jongho, how can we not idealize each other if we stay at a safe distance from each other? I’ll fuck up around you, you will too, it’s okay. That’s part of the charm. I want to know about your flaws. I want you to know about mine, instead of just dancing like clowns around each other.’

‘And what if it doesn’t work?’

‘Then, it doesn’t.’

Jongho frowns. It’s what really bothers him. He desperately wants this to work, to a point he’s rendered still and useless by the fear that there’s a chance it won’t. Hongjoong comes closed, under Jongho’s hesitant gaze, and brings his small and cold hands to Jongho’s neck, his fingers stroke the hair growing his ears.

‘But what’s the use to think about the possibility that it won’t work? Are you a loser? Do you begin every match your team plays thinking about defeat instead of reaching towards victory?’

Jongho gulps when Hongjoong’s face is suddenly too close. But his words open a flood inside him, and his own hands spring to the older boy’s wrists, and he holds them like he needs an anchor to keep himself grounded. He shakes his head negatively to Hongjoong’s question, and a smile blooms on the latter’s lips.

‘Let’s just try and do our best, and reach towards something good, together, alright?’

For all the steps Hongjoong has taken to him, Jongho decides to take the last one, and nods, agrees, and leans down to catch Hongjoong’s lips between his and tastes the cherry red mouth he has been longing to kiss for months. The kiss is slow, unhurried, but sincere, and Hongjoong smiles and then puffs a laugh into it.

Jongho thinks that perhaps there’s a charm to opening his heart and offering it to Hongjoong if he gets to see the happy rainbows that shift inside his eyes every time they part from a kiss.

‘Wanna come up and watch a movie together?’

Jongho is scared shitless, but he takes Hongjoong’s hand and decides to let himself go with the flow for once in his life, and relishes in the warmth of the older boy’s palms against his, in the lull of his chuckles against the crook of his ear, in the shivers brought by his breath against his cheek. Hongjoong is simply easy to love.

**Author's Note:**

> hope u liked this little thing!! leave kudos and let me know about ur thoughts love ur muah muah 
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/mingiopom) | [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/etoilephilante)


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